Marriage: Happily Ever After

by Rod Hetherton

Most people would agree that weddings are exciting and fun-filled events. They are filled with love, family, friends, food, song and dance. Although a wedding is only one day in a couple's life, it should be a great starting point for kicking-off their marriage. The big question is...what should go into that marriage? Well,the Catholic Church teaches us about the many wonderful components of marriage, so I took just a few quotes out of the Catechism to help us explore.

CHOICE

"...human act by which the partners mutually give themselves to each other."

Marriage is a choice. Two people come together in love and decide to live the rest of their lives together. You could pick out and define a given moment of that choice, for example: the accepting of the engagement ring or the reciting of the vows at the wedding ceremony, but the choice to be married is a constant and everyday decision.

It is a simple thing, really.  If you stop and think about it, all our lives are filled with choices. The difference is that now your choices involve two people (or more, if there are already children). I think this is a very hard thing for many people to give up -- their ability to make all the decisions. There are many choices to be made involving work, friends, and spare time. The key is to make sure your family gets their fair share.

EQUALITY

"The woman, 'flesh of his flesh,' i.e., his counterpart, his equal, his nearest in all things, is given to him by God..."

Marriage is equality. Two people come together to live equally. Does that mean they make equal money, wash equal dishes, and split all responsibilities 50/50? No, but it does mean that they enter into this union as equals. They both deserve equality in respect, attention, time, love, and forgiveness.

Many of us have been involved in plenty of relationships before we finally got married. And what happens when one person puts an unfair share into that relationship? It usually ends. Marriage needs input and support from both partners. With this common love and respect your marriage will bear much fruit.

SACRIFICE

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her..."

Marriage involves sacrifice. This quote is quite powerful. Christ gave up everything for the church, including his life. And that is what happens when you get married -- your life as you once knew it no longer exists. Gone are the days of getting up and walking out of the house without telling anyone, to go do whatever you please. With this sacrifice you are given a rare gift. The gift of unconditional love and connectedness is born out of sacrificing other "offers". If you can give yourself to your marriage the way Christ did to the church, then a beautiful love will be always nourished.

Sacrifice isn't easy. Look no further than the depressingly high divorce rate in the United States. Many Americans have given in to the temptation of other things -- things that take away time and devotion from the couple.

HUMILITY

"...marriage helps to overcome self-absorption, egoism, pursuit of one's own pleasure, and to open oneself to the other, to mutual aid and to self-giving."

Marriage humbles you. There is no more "it is all about me" time -- which can be a good thing. Marriage offers us the opportunity to learn and grow. This is a life-long opportunity. As you learn about your spouse you will also be learning about yourself. As with all of these attributes of marriage, humility is a choice. You must want to put aside the old ego. You must be willing to look at situations from the eyes of your partner or the eyes of your children.

Here's an experiment you can try: Take one waking day, and make every decision a conscious one based on how your better half would view things. This in and of itself should be a very humbling experience.

ONE BODY

"...they may form but "one body" in Christ."

Marriage is a union with Christ. This is probably the most important of all things to remember. Marriage is a sacrament. It brings two people together as one so that they can live in Christ's love. The catechism says that, "Authentic married love is caught up into divine love."

Your marriage is not just about human love, needs, or wants. Your marriage is divine! You have entered into a bond established by God. You can use your marriage to be the light of Christ for each other and for others. Take time to explore your faith together, pray together, and make choices together. When God's love is present in your marriage there is nothing that can tear it apart.

Life Applications:

What does it take to have a successful marriage?
Are you willing to put in the hard work and sacrifice to make your marriage shine?
How does Jesus fit into your marriage? Is he invited in often?

Copyright 2002-2008 by Rod Hetherton
All rights reserved.