The Sin of Unforgiveness

by Jacki Popadich

A friend of mine called me up once and said to me, "I just got two free tickets to see CCR. Wanna go?" Hmmm...free ticket to see Creedence Clearwater Revisted. Do I wanna go? Do I EVER!

So there we were the night of the concert, waiting for the band to come on stage when suddenly, SPLASH! Something cold, wet and sticky is running down my back. Then I hear a giggle and a "Sorry, man!" So I said, "no problem," since people spill stuff all the time -- no big deal. But a minute or two later I hear the woman behind me who spilled her drink all over me bragging to a newcomer that she had. They then begin kicking our seats and telling us to expect them to spill more all over us for the rest of the evening.

Thinking quickly, my friend scoped out two more open seats nearby, and we moved over to them, mostly enjoying the rest of the concert. I say mostly because every now and then I would have these thoughts of going to the concession stand, purchasing a beverage of my own, and spilling it all over the two women. Luckily, Christian common sense, coupled with my desire not to get beaten up, won out and I stayed put.

Don't Get Mad...

"In the Sermon on the Mount, the Lord recalls the commandment, 'You shall not kill,' and adds to it the proscription of anger, hatred and vengeance. Going further, Christ asks his disciples to turn the other cheek, to love their enemies. He did not defend himself and told Peter to leave his sword in its sheath," (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2262).

This is no easy undertaking. How often would we like to not turn the other cheek? When that guy accidentally cuts you off in traffic, or rides your bumper a little closer than you are comfortable with? What about when your sibling or roommate borrows your clothes without asking? When a coworker makes a nasty comment to you?

We live in a society that has a tendency to hit back when hit. The temptation of "don't get mad, get even" is readily present. It is usually easier for us to exact revenge on someone than it is to attempt to forgive them.

Don't Get Even...

Why should we forgive? Aside from the fact that the Catechism says so, we pray to forgive and to be forgiven every time we attend liturgy, not to mention many times outside liturgy as well. In the Lord's Prayer we ask, "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."

Because we ask this equal forgiveness of the Lord, that makes unforgiveness the one sin that our prayers deem unforgivable. If God really does forgive us only as well as we forgive others, then I think we are all in a world of trouble. (Well, all of us except for Ned Flanders from The Simpsons.)

Just Let It Go...

So that's why we should (or have to) forgive others. Forgiveness can be beneficial to us in other ways. Rather than harboring a grudge against that person who made a rude comment about you, wouldn't it be nice to just let the anger go and forgive them?

In his book Zen Catholicism, Dom Aelred Graham relates a story of two monks walking through the woods. They come to a river with no bridge anywhere in sight. They are just about to cross the river when a woman comes up to the river as well. Just as the first monk is about to offer to carry her across, the second monk speaks up to do so. The three ford the river, and when they reach the bank, the monks part ways with the woman. The two monks continue on their journey in silence for a mile or two when finally the first monk blurts out, "Why did you carry that woman across the river? You know that we are to have no contact with women whatsoever!" The second monk says to the first, "You must be really tired by now. I put the woman down as soon as we reached the bank. You kept carrying her all this way."

This story illustrates how easily the burden of unforgiveness can grow to be unbearable. Had the first monk forgiven the second for breaking their law, or for beating him to the punch in carrying the woman, his journey with the second monk would have been much more pleasant and comfortable.

And Enjoy Life More

Similarly, had I just forgiven the people at the concert that night instead of secretly plotting their wet demise, I would have been able to enjoy the show so much more. Whether big things or little, it is not always easy to forgive. It is entirely worth the effort to do it though. Try it. You'll like it. Life is so much better without carrying around the sin of unforgiveness!

Life Applications:

Are there some things you consider to be "unforgivable?" Why?
When was a time that you didn't get mad, you got "even"? How did you feel?
When was a time that you "turned the other cheek"? How did you feel?
Thinking back on those incidents, how do you feel about them now?

Copyright 2002-2008 by Jacki Popadich
All rights reserved.