Humor and News

Man Claims Pet is Life Partner

by Tom Gaspar
Massachusetts Catholic Inquisitor

Two days after Canada became the world's fourth nation to grant full legal rights to same-sex couples, Jacques Riboud, a native of Trois-Rivières, Quebec, applied for a marriage license. Unfortunately, the proposed marriage was between Riboud and his dog, Humphrey.

by Tom Gaspar
Massachusetts Catholic Inquisitor

Two days after Canada became the world's fourth nation to grant full legal rights to same-sex couples, Jacques Riboud, a native of Trois-Rivières, Quebec, applied for a marriage license. Unfortunately, the proposed marriage was between Riboud and his dog, Humphrey.

"I wasn't sure what to make of it," said Madeleine LaFontaine, the clerk who received the unusual application. "He seemed so serious, but I kept thinking that he had to be joking!"

According to LaFontaine, Riboud kept insisting that both he and the dog were the same gender, so the new law applies to them. "It was very odd," continued LaFontaine. "He kept referring to his dog as his 'life partner', and almost came over the counter at me when I called it his 'pet'!"

According to eyewitnesses, things heated up when it became clear that Riboud was not going to be allowed to marry Humphrey. "Security personnel finally took him away when he started talking about sleeping with his dog," said one onlooker. "I sleep with my dog, too... but I don't refer to it as a 'monogamous' relationship. That's just sick."

Within hours the incident had made the local and national news, eventually garnering international attention as well. "As if it wasn't bad enough that our country thinks men should be able to marry each other," said Jean Luc DePhlegm, a parishioner at Saint-Pierre Catholic Church in Trois-Rivières. "A dog?  It's like something out of a weird movie!"

Most Canadians hope that the "pet marriage" debate will be nothing but a novelty, quickly dying as the media focuses on some new hot issue. "I think that once people get over the initial shock they will see this for what it," said DePhlegm. "Of course, we thought that the whole gay marriage thing was just a passing fad, too."

Bishop Martin Veillette of the Diocese of Trois-Rivières would not specifically comment on Riboud's attempt at inter-species marriage, though the Canadian Bishops did issue a letter which stated, in part, that "Canadians in general have been and remain deeply divided about changing the nature of marriage and altering its basic meaning. It is clear this debate is far from over, and that it will be a significant issue in the upcoming federal election."

As for Jacques Riboud, a statement to the local press seemed to foreshadow things to come. "Humphrey and I are not happy that we can cohabitate yet not be married," said Riboud. "But it might be some small consolation if the government would agree to socialize veterinary medicine." Humphrey could not be reached for comment.