A Spoonful of Sympathy

by Aaron Jubar

I remember a time, before I was a parent, when my wife walked in the door with a pained look on her face. I asked her what was wrong and she proceeded to tell me that her stomach was bothering her and that she was experiencing muscle aches along with some headaches. The first thought that popped into my head was, "don't get near me, I don't want to get sick!" After a moment I realized that if I were in her position, I'd want her to take care of me, even if it meant she might be exposed to my illness. A little bit of sympathy can go a long way.

Knee-Jerk Reaction

The cold and flu season is upon us. Soon our family members will start coming home with viruses and illnesses they picked up at work. These germs have a way of spreading quickly through a household and before long everyone has a cold. We avoid our family members when they are sick, because we have a fear of catching whatever it is they have. It's this fear that keeps us from properly caring for our sick brethren.

The most common phrase said when someone near us has a cold is, "Get away from me; I don't want to get sick!" It's just a knee-jerk reaction. But the fact is, there's little we can do to avoid germs during the cold and flu season. This is especially true when we live with a family member who has acquired an illness outside the home.

So how do we properly care for family members when we obviously don't want to be near them and "get what they have"?

Instincts: Parental and Otherwise

Speaking with other parents I know, we would do anything to keep our children from getting sick. Then, when one of our children does come down with an illness, we feel somewhat responsible and would do anything to make our little-ones feel better. In fact, the protective instincts of parents lead us to wish that we could somehow exchange our health for our child's illness if it meant making the child feel better.

It's easy for parents to get close to our children and care for them when they are ill, even if we run the risk of "catching" whatever ails the child. But when a spouse or other family member comes down with something, it can be a whole different story. Rather than caring for an adult the way we do a child we can sometimes take on an attitude of "don't get near me, I don't want your germs!"

Unfortunately, there's absolutely no way you can avoid getting germs from sick family members. In fact, by avoiding them, you run the risk of the "bug" getting stronger so that when it does get to you, it hits you harder.

Preventative Measures and Ailment Aids

So, for now, let's just assume that you will be exposed to the pathogen. The best thing you can do is to boost your immune system and give it the best chance possible to fight off the germs. Loading up on vitamin C and extra zinc is always a good option. Also, drinking plenty of liquids -- especially water -- will keep those lymphocytes lively. And as always, get plenty of sleep, but stay active and exercise.

Now, what to do about that sick family member? A person is a sympathetic, caring creature. Unfortunately, people as a whole are selfish and aren't very sympathetic when it comes to the illnesses of others. Sometimes we want to blame the individual who is ill. "You're sick because you didn't wear a coat yesterday!" or "you didn't drink enough fluids, and now you're sick!" are common phrases said by those who play the blame game.

Sure, there are things we can do to prevent illness, but even the healthiest person is susceptible when cold and flu season rolls around. Stop blaming that ill family member, and start caring for them.

The Golden Rule

Just like sick children, adults with illnesses require lots of love and care. We need psychological support when we have a cold. Even though we know we'll eventually get better, it's hard to be positive when you feel so bad.

When it comes to a sick adult family member, I use the oft-quoted Golden Rule. How do I want to be treated when I'm sick? Well... I want someone to cook me chicken soup and bring me a blanket. Some medicine and hot tea would be nice, too. Sure, they're all things I could do on my own, but it's the idea that someone is there who cares about how I feel that supports me.

So what happened that day so long ago, after my wife announced she was feeling ill? Well, I managed to overcome my first instinct, which was to duck into the living room until she had passed. Instead, I tucked her into bed and ran to the store for some medicine. If I couldn't make her feel better physically, I was at least going to let her know that I was there for her and that I could sympathize. A little sympathy can go a long way.

Life Applications:

When has someone sympathized with you and helped you feel better?
How do you treat family members who are ill?
How do you like to be treated when you are ill?

Copyright 2002-2007 by Aaron Jubar
All rights reserved.