Blessed Are the Peacemakers

by Brandon Jubar

Jesus told us "blessed are the peacemakers", and it is true in all aspects of our lives. This verse from the beatitudes (Matthew 5:9) is not just applicable to world leaders and other people in positions of power. In truth, it may be more important on a much smaller scale. Blessed are the peacemakers within our families!

Trouble on the Home Front

All families have their ups and downs. It's a fact of life that we need to accept. No person is perfect. It follows that no group, when made up of imperfect people, can ever be problem-free. There will be good times -- bad times -- and everything in between. Ward and June Cleaver are not realistic representations of parents (or spouses), and no two brothers ever got along as well as Wally and the Beave.

People tend to be melodramatic, too. We love it when everything is a big deal. Perhaps it makes us feel important -- or at least interesting! If our lives do not play out like an episode of "Once and Again", we think that something is wrong.

Drama, trauma and high emotion -- the hallmarks of the corny melodrama -- are things we think we need in order to make our lives complete. And if they aren't naturally occurring elements, then we create them. We rewrite the script and interpret things to fit our desired view.

Nobody Wins

Family members are all on the same team. We should not compete against each other. Rather, we should be working together to overcome everything that life throws at us. Life is a journey and there are many obstacles along the way. Our families must be a support system and a source of strength, making it easier to persevere and succeed.

When team members compete against each other, nobody wins. The focus turns inward and we waste our time and energy battling those we should be helping -- and who should be helping us. No one can win because we end up with an unhealthy perspective. If things are bad on the home front, life's other obstacles can seem insurmountable.

Care Enough to Confront

Problems don't just work themselves out. As I said earlier, every family will have its struggles. And because the family will not just go away, its problems will not simply go away, either. Even if something is suppressed, it will almost always manifest somewhere else. Problems within the family have to be addressed in a healthy manner.

When we care, we actively confront problems. On the other hand, we ignore what we don't care about. So it is important to work through the differences that arise between family members. It is NOT important that one person emerge the "winner". In the family, Win - Lose ends up being Lose - Lose, because when one family member loses, the team loses!

Everybody Wins

Facing problems constructively is not easy. We live in a competitive world. And especially in the United States, we see almost everything as a dichotomy. We like to think that it equates to "balance". There cannot be a winner unless there is also a loser. Corporate America pays lip-service to the "Win-Win Scenario", but it is rare to find a corporate culture that actually supports it. It's much easier to prove a "win" if you can show that someone else has "lost".

Confronting problems in a loving, caring manner ensures that everybody wins. When something is "wrong", we want to identify who is to blame -- and assign any associated guilt -- then demand that the guilty party correct his or her behavior. What we rarely consider is that families are systems, and in any system, "cause" does not necessarily equal "blame". One thing leads to another, which leads to another... The key is to avoid blame.

Family members need to take ownership of their feelings, and use active listening to discuss why they are choosing to feel that way. "I feel hurt when you laugh at my ideas and say that they'll never work," is an example. Don't blame, just identify. Communicate feelings and discuss how to resolve differences. Many times, family members do not realize how we feel about the things that are said and done to us.

The bottom line is that it is important to talk -- to work things out. It is what Jesus wants us to do. "Blessed be the peacemakers."

Life Applications:

What are some conflicts or disagreements that your family has faced?
Who are the "peacemakers" in your family?
How do you confront in a caring manner?

Copyright 2002-2008 by Brandon Jubar
All rights reserved.