Boys Will Be Boys

by Brandon Jubar

I'm sure it's a fairly common scenario. The little boy is running around, getting into things, and just being plain mischievous. The parents try to calm him down, but to no avail. After yet another frustrated sigh from mom, grandma and grandpa say, "Don't get so upset, dear. He's really not that bad. After all, boys will be boys!"

Snips and Snails and Puppy Dogs' Tails

Study after study has shown that, generally speaking, there are distinct differences between boys and girls. Their temperaments are different, as are their basic likes and dislikes. Whether these differences are completely natural or a product of socialization is not necessarily relevant to this discussion.

The fact that is important is that most people hold very strong stereotypes regarding little boys and little girls. And this can be a problem for parents who are trying to tame the wild child who happens to be a boy. It's as though our society supports at least a modicum of unruly behavior, because "boys will be boys".

Is Average Good Enough?

As the father of two little boys, I have experienced the old "they're-not-that-bad" treatment from numerous relatives and friends. I must admit that there have been times when I've wanted to give in to that temptation. I've wanted to believe that it would be all right for me to stop enforcing certain rules. I've wanted to stop being the bad guy. I've wanted to let them get away with things and I've wanted to feel good that I had done so.

But what are people really saying when they spout the "boys will be boys" advice?

Well, the first thing they're saying is that it's natural for boys to behave that way. And if it's natural, it must be okay. Or is it?

Sexual urges are perfectly natural in teens. Does that make it okay for our youth to act upon them? I doubt that you'd find any parent who would support such nonsense. "Natural" is not the same as "acceptable".

The second thing that "boys will be boys" implies is that the majority of boys act that way. And as long as the behavior is "average", then the behavior is adequate. Or is it?

If we parents do not encourage our kids to be exceptional, then who will? Do we want our boys to merely be "average"? Perhaps. But only if being average is a stretch-goal for the particular child. If it's not, then we are remiss in our duties if we let them settle for it.

On His Own Merits

As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our children to be exceptional adults. We must teach them to be good people, with strong Christian values. We must ascertain their individual potential and help them achieve as much as they can with the gifts and abilities they have.

And as parents of boys, we cannot give in to the temptation to sanction bad behavior as being acceptable simply because other people do so. There is nothing wrong with being a strict parent. And there is a difference between discipline and punishment. Our sons can learn discipline, regardless of the status quo.

"Boys will be boys"? Not on my watch.

Life Applications:

What are your thoughts on the statement "boys will be boys"?
How strict were your parents? What effect did that have on you?
What are the difficulties in raising children with Christian values?

Copyright 2002-2006 by Brandon Jubar
All rights reserved.