Marriage & Family

Hard Headed Children

by Angie Ledbetter

Ho-Ho-Home for the Holidays

The holidays are fast approaching and the kids will be home from school for longer periods. Close quarters between siblings often bring an increase in squabbling and tattling. And larger portions of disobedience aren't uncommon as our lives are invaded by the over-excitement that comes with Christmas commercialism, parties, hectic schedules, and overdoses of sugary sweet goodies.

by Angie Ledbetter

Ho-Ho-Home for the Holidays

The holidays are fast approaching and the kids will be home from school for longer periods. Close quarters between siblings often bring an increase in squabbling and tattling. And larger portions of disobedience aren't uncommon as our lives are invaded by the over-excitement that comes with Christmas commercialism, parties, hectic schedules, and overdoses of sugary sweet goodies.

Pushing the Boundaries

We ask ourselves why our children are so hard headed and hope that they don't act like that at school. Sometimes it seems they'd rather climb a tree to disobey us rather than stand flat-footed on the ground and do what they are told. Is it just their nature to ignore parental commands and rules? Is it an unidentified genetic code? Or is ignoring parents so much fun that they just can't avoid the temptation?

When my third child was 2, I thought I'd found the answer to the "hard headed" question. With all sincerity and a serious look on his face, Zachary said he didn't mind his father and I too well, "Because, Mom, that's my job!"

I guess he was partially correct in an odd way. It is a child's job to test his limitations and boundaries, just as it is ours to keep those demarcations firmly in place for him. (That old saying about smarter kids pushing harder on limits just might be correct too.)

"Put your shoes away!"
"Pick your toys up off the floor!"
"Yes, you have to brush your teeth tonight."
"Do not kick, pinch, bite, hit, or breathe on your brother/sister again!"

Daily utterances of this sort don't stick in their little brains. At least they don't around my house. Conversely, why is it that they never forget the things that benefit them personally? Mine have never once forgotten a promised dessert after supper or that I'd agreed to take them to the library or bowling a week ago.

The Acorn Doesn't Fall Far from the Tree

Pondering this behavior again today, I realized that we adults do the very same things. We constantly disobey our Lord's Commandments and the rules He set out for us in Scripture. The Bible is an excellent moral roadmap, but like our little ones, we have trouble doing what is right unless we see some imminent reward.

Most of our parents and childhood spiritual teachers taught us right from wrong, so how come we older folks don't behave like we should? Is it laziness, lack of caring, a decayed moral and ethical behavior code, the rationalization that "everyone else is doing it," disbelief in Heaven and Hell, the "Me-generation" philosophy, or the prevalence of the "there is no more sin" mentality? More than likely, it's a bad combination of a lot of things that help us stray from the good path so often.

'Fess Up!

Whatever our reason, we need to admit our mistakes, ask for forgiveness and at least try to do better in our obedience to the Lord. This rebellion must be our inheritance from those first children -- Adam and Eve. It's a life-long struggle we engage in when we strive to develop our spiritual selves while overcoming physical urges.

Like spoiled children, we need to realize that our every desire doesn't have to be gratified immediately. Only the immature continue to make choices without considering consequences and ramifications. If we need proof that misbehavior and breaking of Commandments leads to bad things, the Bible and history are full of examples of cities and societies destroyed by decadence.

Children and immature adults naturally see themselves as the center of the universe. Selfishness and egotism are their most prevalent characteristics. Young children, however, need these beliefs in order to feel safe and secure as they grow. If they have been reared correctly, they reach post-tantrum school age and begin to think less of themselves and more of others. These developing children begin to follow rules and regulations, and generally shape up into mature, productive members of society.

Ring a Bell?

As adults, we need to keep a constant check on our behavior to see if we have matured and left behind these destructive and selfish behaviors. To avoid becoming childish oldsters, it is wise to make sure that we aren't hard headed to God's Word. We must listen to His guidance and continue to develop and inform our own consciences.

Another story about the son I mentioned above illustrates this point. After church one Sunday, he jumped down from a brick platform after ringing the big iron bell. He landed in mud and lost his footing, falling backwards. His head crashed against the bricks and we had to rush to the E.R. for four stitches in the back of his skull.

I let him call his father, who was away on business, to relate the traumatic details. Zach concluded by saying, "See Daddy? My head is not harder than a brick wall!"

Can we say the same?