Mean Old Parents!

Being All You Can Be for Your Kids

by Angie Ledbetter

Parenting can be a difficult and seemingly thankless task. But just as the Father is patient with us, we must be patient with our children. After all, it is their "job" to explore the world. It is our job to give them a map.

Parenting "Fun"

"You are the meanest father on the planet!"
"I wish I had Susan's parents. They're cool and they let her do whatever she wants! They are nice!"
"Why won't you let me do the things my friends do?"

If you have children who are old enough to string a sentence together, it's more than likely you've heard these or similar outbursts.

I remember shouting those words up into my Dad's face as a know-it-all 13-year-old, and his perfectly calm words to me in return.

"Angie, if your mother and I didn't love you so very much, we would be 'nice' parents too. It would be much easier to let you do whatever you wanted to do."

We can all relate to this teenage angst. We once searched for our place in the world -- somewhere between the established boundaries set by our parents and guardians, and the freedom we wanted so badly.

But just as in our connection with Jesus, we all flourish when we remember who's who in the relationship.

House Arrest

Living under strict house rules, we as children do not see the benefits of this arrangement. We are not mature enough to realize that these rules and regulations provide us with safety. They harbor us from the evils of the world and build character in us. These rules keep us from making some major bad decisions in our lives before we are ready to handle the consequences of those actions.

I will have these same parenting moments and struggles with my own growing children, but at least I am equipped with the knowledge that my parents imparted to me. I know that we will live beyond those times that seem so "life and death" and all-important in the minds kids. And I know that if I stay the course, my children will respect my husband and me eventually.

Future Rewards

Yes, I know that we will be adult friends one day because we all did our job -- especially when it was hard. Sure, I want to give up and give in to their demands for normal things (late curfews, wanting to watch inappropriate movies or shows, questionable music choices, and more freedom in general), but Daddy's words come back to me.

Knowing that it is my job as a parent to hold the line and set the standard bar for my children makes it a little easier, even as it seems like so many parents are throwing up their hands and letting their children practically rear themselves.

It also gives me strength to realize that my children do not need parents who are their friends. They need someone in charge, someone who will guide them, even when it's tough. Just exactly what the Catholic Church is for me! It is an incredible revelation. With continued prayers and self-coaching, I will continue to hold the line.

"Train children in the right way, and when old, they will not stray." Proverbs 22:6.

This age old Scripture passage also gives me hope. Throughout history, children have always strained to get out from under their parents' thumbs. But with the right training, they will always come back. And, hopefully, they will one day be "mean parents" to their children -- our grandchildren.

Until that day comes, I will continue to be as kind, patient, and unchanging as possible against the tide of demands from three very smart and independent children. We will all do our jobs!

Life Applications:

When you hear your child(ren)'s angry words, how do you feel? What can you do to remind yourself that you are doing a good job?
Do you have ready answers for yourself and your kids about why it's important to mean what you say?
Are/were you friends with your parents when you became an adult? To what do you attribute that blessing?

Copyright 2003 by Angie Ledbetter
All rights reserved.