The Importance of Conversation

by Brandon Jubar

I heard a disturbing statistic the other day. It said that the average American father spends seven minutes a week in meaningful conversation with his kids. Wow. That floored me -- and it got me thinking. How much do I talk to my family? The more I thought about it, the more I believed it's a question worth asking.

Make Time for Conversation

When do you talk with your family? My initial thought was the dinner table. It's the one time of the day that the four of us are almost always together. But when I thought about it more, I realized that there's not always a lot of conversation really happening there. We do a lot of talking, but it often consists of things like, "Sit up to the table when you eat" and "We don't play with our forks, we eat with them." If you take away all of the directives and threats, there's not much left.

Luckily, we spend more time with each other than just dinner. Though my wife and I are very busy, we purposely make time for the boys. It's not always the four of us together, but we each spend time alone with one or both of our sons.

Unfortunately my job has me traveling a great deal, but even then I try call every night so that I can talk to my family. When I talk to my sons, I ask them how there day was, what new thing they learned, and what they did that was interesting. I try to have a true conversation with them by asking open-ended questions and then listening well for their responses. In fact, it's amazing how much better a conversation can be when you try to listen more than you talk!

Talk About Anything

As our boys get older, we do more than just play with them. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that they're not little babies anymore, but we really do talk to our sons about things. We ask them for their thoughts, and we try to explain things that they don't understand. Sometimes the conversation gets tedious, but at other times they amaze us with the creative ideas they have.

Talking to our sons does a number of things. First, it helps them tremendously with their language skills. We didn't use "baby talk" with them once they were more than a few weeks old. Second, it helps them learn to take ideas and run with them -- whether it be imagining that they could build a rocket ship or discussing how water comes out of the tap. Third, it shows them that we love them and care about them. They see how busy we are every day, and they also see that we make time for them. And finally, it helps us get back to basics. It gives us the opportunity to remember what it was like to be a child. And it allows us to be more child-like, and even more Christ-like.

It's Never To Late To Talk

What does your family talk about? If the answer is something along the lines of "nothing" or "not much", don't give up yet. Try starting with small talk, just like you would with an acquaintance. Don't assume that you'll be able to go from "no conversation" to "soul baring" just because you're family. It may be a part of your relationship that needs to be more fully developed -- and it will probably take some time.

Even naturally quiet, introverted people tend to enjoy genuine, interesting conversation. And if you are one of those quiet types, who better to practice on than your family? Build stronger relationships while polishing your conversation skills, all in the privacy of your own home!

Whatever the situation, always remember one thing: It's never too late to start talking.

Life Applications:

How much time do you spend talking with your family? Where do you converse?
What do you talk about? Do you talk about different things with different family members?
Do you think Jesus spent time talking with his family? What example does he set for us?

Copyright 2002-2008 by Brandon Jubar
All rights reserved.