.:: Teen Life ::.

Excuses, Excuses

by Wendy Richards

Has it ever happened to you? Your parents are mad at you about something and when you try to explain yourself, you get that same old dad line: "I don't want to hear any of your excuses!" Which always leaves me wondering how to tell the difference between an explanation and an excuse!

Examine Your Motive

Looking back on times when this has happened to me, the first thing I realize is that my motive was different in different situations. I guess it makes sense that the reason for defending myself could decide whether I was explaining or making and excuse.

Sometimes I really believed that whatever I had done was right. In those situations, when I tried to tell my parents my side of the story, I really was trying to offer an explanation. I assumed that the reason I had done something could make it either good or bad. That's not to say the end always justifies the means, but I know that in some cases it does.

Of course, then there are times when my motives are not all that wholesome. I hate to admit it, but there have been times when I've been caught doing something that I know is wrong. When something like this happens, my defense of my actions is nothing more than a lame excuse. Even if I can't completely admit it to myself at the time, I know in my heart that I am just trying to cover up something I've done wrong. The funny thing is, that seems to make me try even harder to excuse what I've done.

Let Emotion Subside

Regardless of the rightness or wrongness of my actions, I have found that it helps to simply bite my tongue and wait for the emotion to subside. My parents are not perfect, as I sometimes inappropriately remind them. They can be affected by their emotions just as I can. And let's face it, emotion and logic don't usually go together all that well.

After I stop myself from defending my actions in the heat of the moment, a couple different things can happen. Usually I am able to sit down with my parents later and talk about the situation in a constructive way. No raised voices; no inflated accusations; no threats. If my explanation is legitimate, my parents have recognized it or have told me why the disagree. Either way, I've actually been able to learn a few things.

Another thing that sometimes happens is that I simply admit to myself that I was wrong. Yup -- that's right -- I actually face my own mistakes. And once the heat of the moment has passed, it's easier to think things through. Sometimes I'll go back and talk to my parents anyway; but other times I just let the issue drop -- after I've tried to learn a lesson from it, though!

What Would Jesus Do?

"When they saw Him, they were astonished; and His mother said to Him, 'Son, why have You treated us this way? Behold, Your father and I have been anxiously looking for You.' And He said to them, 'Why is it that you were looking for Me? Did you not know that I had to be in My Father's house?' But they did not understand the statement which He had made to them."
(Luke 2:48-50)

So it seems that even the holy family did not always understand each other's explanations. And if Jesus could not explain things to his parents in the heat of the moment, why should I think that I can do it?

What the Gospel doesn't quite explain is whether or not Jesus discussed this incident with his mother later on. I like to imagine that he did, because the Gospel does go on to say that "He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and He continued in subjection to them; and His mother treasured all these things in her heart. And Jesus kept increasing in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men."

We may not know the details, but it's probably a safe bet that Jesus only offered explanations, and never resulted to "excuses, excuses".

Life Applications:

When was a time that you found yourself defending a wrongful act?
When was a time that your parents would not listen to a legitimate explanation as to why you had done something?
What can you do to better communicate with your parents?

Copyright 2002 by Brandon Jubar
All rights reserved.