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How To Communicate With Parents

by Wendy Richards

Whether we like it or not, our parents are responsible for us at least until we're out of high school. So rather than getting upset about that fact, maybe we should focus on ways to make our relationship better. The best way to do that, in my opinion, is to learn to really communicate with our parents.

So here is my three-step program to make it easier to communicate with your parents...

Step 1: Stop

When I find myself arguing with my mom or dad, I try to stop. That's right. I just try to hush up for a minute, because chances are good that I'm being defensive or confrontational -- and neither one of those is constructive.

If I can manage to stop myself from talking, I usually find that I can calm down quickly. I guess I'm usually acting out of emotion rather than logic or reason. But if I can quit arguing for a minute, it seems that my perspective changes and I start to realize that I'm being a bit childish. Emotionally I may still be upset, but logically I understand that yelling and fighting definitely doesn't make things better!

Step 2: Look

Once I've stopped arguing, I look my parents in the eye. You'd be amazed at how much easier it is to communicate with your parents when you're actually looking at them. Looking away doesn't do much of anything except give them the impression that I'm not listening or that I don't care.

Also, when I'm looking away it's easy to start thinking about what I'm going to say next, instead of concentrating on what my parents are saying to me. It's much easier to see things eye-to-eye when you're physically seeing eye-to-eye.

Step 3: Listen

Finally, I listen to what they're saying (or at least I try). Communication can't happen unless both sides hear -- and listen to -- each other. There is nothing wrong with my hearing, but that doesn't mean I always listen to the sounds that people are making. When I argue with my parents, I can physically hear what they're saying without mentally listening to it.

Whether I want to admit it or not, my mom and dad have been on this earth a lot longer than I have -- and their experience can actually help them give some pretty sound advice at times. But if that advice falls on proverbial "deaf ears", it's not going to make much of a difference.

That's why I try to stop, look, and listen instead of arguing with my parents. I don't always agree with them -- even after I've heard them out -- but I think it's safe to say that it truly has helped our relationship over the long run.

Life Applications:

How often do you argue with your parents?
How well do you listen when you're upset?
What tactics do you use when dealing with your parents?

Copyright 2004 by Wendy Richards
All rights reserved.