3 Steps to Making New Friends

by Brandon Jubar

Labor Day weekend, for most of us, marks the end of summer. By the time September rolls around, everyone is back in school, settling in for another year of hitting the books. For some people, it will be virtually the same routine as last year. But for others, new schools or different classes can mean being separated from long-time friends. If you find yourself in that predicament -- alone in a crowd of strangers -- don't worry yourself sick over it. By following a formula you learned as a child -- Stop, Look, and Listen -- you'll be making new friends in no time!

Step 1: Stop

It is very difficult to focus on others when you're overwhelmed with focusing on yourself. So the first step to making new friends is to stop.

Stop worrying about how you look. Stop thinking about what you should say next. Stop beating yourself up when something comes out wrong. Stop being afraid to say "hi" in the hall when you recognize someone from class.

You have to stop the internal negativity before you can begin to reach out to others. So the first thing to do is just stop.

Step 2: Look

All around you is a wonderful world filled with interesting people and things, but you won't see it if you don't take the time to look. So after you stop, look around.

Look at your school. Look at the colors, designs, shapes and textures. Look at the people and their things. Look for the uniqueness in each one. Look for the goodness.

We are so used to focusing on the bad things in life that it often takes a conscious effort to notice all the things that are good. They are there -- but you have to look.

Step 3: Listen

Ask teens to describe what qualities that want in a friend, and at or near the top of everyone's list is "good listener". People like to feel special, and that's exactly how they will feel when you listen.

Listen to what people have to say. Ask questions and then just sit back and absorb the answer. Don't worry about what to say next. Don't formulate your own answer to the question. Just listen.

The more you listen, the easier it will become. Before long you'll get the hang of asking questions that clarify what your new friend has said. This will get them talking more, and they will see how much you care if you simply continue to listen.

New Friend Formula

When you were a child, "Stop, Look, and Listen" was a formula that got you safely across the street. Now that you are older, that same formula will get you across the boundaries that sometimes separate people.

Stop the negative thoughts, look at the goodness in people, and listen to what they have to say. Before long, you'll be surrounded by a wonderful new batch of friends!

Life Applications:

How do you make new friends?
How easy or difficult is it for you?
What qualities do you look for in a friend?

Copyright 2003-2008 by Brandon Jubar
All rights reserved.